oh lord the conversation i've been aching to escape has finally come to light -
and i was still reprimanded by my mum for being childish about this
“什么不合就分？你以为小孩子玩game啊？一定有吵架吗？？”

i don't know how to answer you mummy. because that's literally the only answer i have.
there was no grand fight about any particular matter. it didn't happen because he is working now and he doesn't have enough time for me. after all, i learnt how to give so much space and how to be alone just from you alone, mummy. i've always seen you take the backseat, the support whenever daddy was just not around... which is the most part of my life. of course i'd know better than to throw bitch fits about "lack of movie dates" or what ever event you think i was unhappy with. it didn't even happen because i threw petty tantrums like you'd think. it just happened and even if we fought we had to dig things up to fight about. at least i felt like i had to dig. why else was i so confused and flat out refused to internally accept this for so long? my mind could think of no way to register this as a valid or legit reason.
what do i say? your feelings changed? for a long time and i didn't know?
“我还以为他工作忙所以你们没有paktor” yeah me too. 
did you think i knew mummy? i didn't.

only time can tell me why. maybe in time i will know.
for all of the questions i/we have (or have no) answers for,
time will definitely tell.