Need to let steam off here before i go batshit insane; oh my goodness i have no idea what to do in order to feel at least 1% excited to go to school and actually like the things i do (note: not do the things i like. because nobody gets to do what they rly like anyway) i really don't know how i came to loathe monday-fridays so badly. "well you are in a very passion-driven course so..." i don't know how i came here either but since i'm here i gotta do my best and maximize whatever little potential i have and just do the best i can am i right?????? ha ha ha. sometimes i tell myself in an alternate universe where i made good decisions i would be done with As, but of course i'm not saying it's any easier. but then again let's be real i'll do badly in JC as well. then again usually i just want everyone to keep quiet (it was only then i realised i rather be around people who are not street smart than... vapid people. yes. vapid.) i don't think i ever felt so alone and vexed in school. also just realised i don't really have anybody to talk about this either. except for the occasional hint i drop my lecturers whenever i ask about design graduates that just... switch and don't do design anymore. sigh, sigh, eternal sigh.

life is so colourless at the moment.