This week has been a little strange with me waking up on a monday morning feeling like i will end up in heaven all alone since most of my closest ones aren't believers and it was... weird. what is an eternity for if we find life such a drag already, right? HAHA that aside just yesterday i was digging through my shoebox of old letters/notes collected over 10 years and i found cards from 2011/2013 student camp back in AHS. it's so weird how i feel that other churches have helped me with my own spiritual growth more than my own church - that i was born and raised in - could ever even begin to do so and it's just..... sad and quite pathetic LOL. now i don't even go to church or miss it at all, though i still have devotion apps and thank goodness for the existence of christian friends on social media. no idea when i dreaded sunday mornings so much, though i think this dread stems from being forced to attend student fellowship that totally forced me out of my comfort zone in the most non-constructive way ever; like nothing good came out of it and i never liked going back since then. or maybe it's just because everything is in hokkien (which isn't a good reason since i understand it) or because well.. i simply can't relate to any of the sermons/topics discussed. LOL tbh i feel like a lost child now in a poly after schooling in christian schools for 10 years. #random11pmthoughts