“But better die than live mechanically a life that is a repetition of repetitions.”

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So this is june excluding all the moping around i have been doing: (also, i realised while i am moping around my heart is always racing and i am very worried and anxious and it is happening again now AND I AM SO JITTERY I REALLY REALLY REALLY CANNOT STAND IT ANYMORE :@)

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When i went thrifting with Lok and we found some treasures hehe, visited cat after that cause it was on the way and we sat around to catch up.... only to realise all three of us have been so sick of doing nothing yet ironically that is all we have been doing...

  

so we decided to go to his house the day after at whatever timing we pleased to and in whatever we wanted to wear. I contemplated pjs but i thought better of it HAHAHA. Love having these housem8s/friends around, we are so comfy around each other (hahaha i sat with my legs on his chair very shamelessly and it was very chor lor but he doesn't judge me (or us) so yay for us). He has tons of eggs???????

  

 

Visited my twins the next day; i love bedok south *-*

 

 

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FINALLY got to see Baobai today (AND ALSO CHARMAINE wtf i missed her cause it has been like.. weeks and i actually typed her named out in full this time wow) Was supposed to leave house when i tweeted, but i saw the haze and decided to read for awhile first and i never left house till almost an hour later. Walked around trying to find masks /// walked to tampines mall and still no masks so i gave up and went to bedok straight to get some things done and the best deskm8 ever offered me a mask since he was otw to his tuition oh goodness so thankful i cannot ;_; 

 

Met Baobai after that and we baked @ Charm's hehehe. 

Shall not elaborate on anything since we have two.... very long videos so when she/i post it i can say it is what we actually did the whole day since they are both like 50mins +

   

 

What we baked/made:

 

Okay anyone reading this can just skip this whole part cause it is just my face LOL in my defence i have been feeling so down i haven't had the mood to even camwhore so just let me be happy once la hahahahha.

Took all these photos while we were digging up really old (love)/letters and neoprints hahaha AND MY DRAWINGS... which were horrible. Sigh still horrible

   

   

   

   

  

   

HAHAHA @ the first pic, was judging some old love letter ha ha ahahahHAhaha HAHA ha.

   

   

   

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"You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.
Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see."

— Ryan O’Connell

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